Gavel or the Grey
🧪 Tiny Habit, Big Swing
Let me keep Scrolling: We crave stories with heroes and villains—black-and-white certainty feels good, but it flattens people. Choose the grey: use the MRI (Most Respectable Interpretation) to swap judgment for curiosity and build better relationships.
Cold Open
At fourteen, I had solved global trade. Or, I thought I had. I was suited up and representing a small African country at Model UN, the summit of overconfident teenagers cosplaying as world leaders to solve global crises.
My “Nobel” Plan
I delivered my trade proposal with the certainty of Adam Smith: Ford and General Motors can sell more cars if Americans pay a higher price to subsidize vehicles for poorer countries.
An obvious win-win: Detroit builds more cars, new markets open up, and poorer countries get affordable rides.
Now, where was my Nobel Prize?
The Gavel Mindset
Model UN, in theory, was about exchanging ideas on complex topics. But no one seemed interested in listening.
We were there to win. Claiming victory meant the all-coveted gavel—the ultimate prestige token for debate nerds.
It nurtured a black-and-white mindset: My view is good and yours is bad, so I don’t need to understand your perspective.
Sound familiar? It was an early precursor to today’s social feeds, where everyone wants a gavel, and collectively, we get nowhere.
The Turn: Embrace the Grey
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized the world is a messy palette of greys, and there’s no award for the winning argument, just more polarization.
To actually solve complex problems and build relationships, we have to be curious, not judgmental.
The MRI
An easy way to self-program for empathy is to use an MRI. It challenges us to ask: What’s the Most Respectable Interpretation?
An entrepreneur keeps posting pictures of his house, car, and all the media attention he is getting. Maybe the person lost everything twice to build the business, and it’s finally successful.
A manager emails you at 1 a.m. Maybe that’s when their colicky newborn finally fell asleep.
Every social interaction carries an unknown backstory. Choosing the most charitable one builds connection, not division.
A line to keep
Atticus Finch, the protagonist from To Kill a Mockingbird, said it best:
“You never really understand a person until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
The Ask: If this helped, forward to one friend who loves a good debate.